Travelled back in time...?
Than I went to Malawi for one year.
Today, I am in Bergen. Playing Dragon Age. Listening to my favorite music (the same as last year). Eating dolly dimples pizza's.
***
Last year, I was sad because I couldn't be with my boyfriend because I was leaving for Africa.
Then I went to Malawi for one year..
Today, I am sad because I can't be with my boyfriend because he is wroking on a boat outside south america.
It is so strange! After everything I have been through and experienced in Malawi... Is life supposed to just go back to.... normal? And yet, it doesn't feel normal.. It's a little bit... "Kafka-like". Surreal, creepy, and yet nice...
A little bit like tasting an old, favorite dish. It is familiar and very nice, but you feel like you want to add something to it. You don't want to leave it, but... yeah, make it better. Give it more substance and meaning...
Yepp... I need to spice things up here...
buuut I will wait a few weeks.. Right now, it is actually very, very comfortable with just being with myself, doing nothing.. =)
We will meet again
Leaving on a Jetplane - John Denver
So kiss me and smile for me
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Oh babe, I hate to go
So kiss me and smile for me
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Oh babe, I hate to go
Sadness.
Listening to this song on the plane and can't help but crying and think about everything... After 10 months of hard work and beautiful journeys and two days of non-stop crying and unbearable good byes, I am finally at home. It feels unreal, fantastic, sad and wonderful. When I think about Nkhoma, it feels like I am just on vacation and as if I'm going back to Malawi in a few weeks. I came to Bergen today, april 15, around 10 am, but it feels so.. unreal that I actually was in Malawi yesterday, together with Olivia, Gomez, Bertha and all the others...it is sad, so sad... And wierd. That the adventure in Malawi is over. The year has past, we are done with our work. Nkhoma hospital now has a new emergency unit, a new triage-system and new routines and protocols... I cant understand that we have actually been able to do what we have done.. When I think back at all the struggles and all the work... I can't believe we actually managed to complete it! It feels like it has all been a dream right now... But also it feels like a dream being home, and as if Nkhoma and Malawi is "the real life"... I tell you, this is a very confusing situation. =)
| Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear, Just for a while, dear, we must part. Don't let the parting upset you, I'll not forget you, sweetheart. We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, So will you please say hello to the folks that I know, After the rain comes the rainbow, |
Olivia is waving good bye
Goodbye Sprut and Fainess <3
Happiness!! =D
Now I am with my Christian, and I am as happy as can be. He is the most wonderful man I've ever met (You need proof? Listen to this: he forced me into a shoe store today and bought me new shoes. How's that for an example of his fantastic-ness?). I just can't believe he is mine! I am so happy to be home.. It gives me shivers. I cant understand that it is true, and not a dream!! I woke up on saturday morning. Before I had opened my eyes, I was convinced that I was still in Nkhoma under the mosquito net and the me coming home, was just a dream. I didn't wanna open my eyes, and see that it had just been a dream that I was home, with Christian. I didn't wanna wake up and see the dirty roof and feel the smell of old DOOM spray in the room, and realize that is, as usually, just had been a dream that I was now back home with Christian (I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt that!!)
* * *
So.. I am home, and I guess this is the end... In a way.
Maybe there will be another blogg entry here later on...And I guess I might continue blogging.
But for now I want to say Good bye everybody! Thank you so much for reading my blog. I am so happy for all the readers, you know one day I had over 300 readers! But mostly I have had around 50 per day. I am so happy for that! It is so cool that so many people wanted to read... =)
So, thank you very much.
Sikomo kwambiri asiamyi, asibambo. Ndi ku sowa kwambiri, ndi kukondi kwambiri.
Pepani, pompano ndi kupita ku nyumba... =(
Mulungo akadalitseni.. <3
One last picture of Lake Malawi.... <3
Signing Out....
This is Me,
signing out...
Farewell dear Nkhoma. I don't know what to say.. What I feel right now is stronger and yet more delicate than anything I've ever felt before. To say good bye to all the people I love here, especially Olivia... It broke my heart. Completely. Mr. Lemon, Wilfred, Victor, Langton,Elisabeth... Gomez and Bertha (who spends the night here cause I am to devastated to sleep), Nyathipa.. Justice... Florence, Stella, Eliza, Rebecca, Dr. Morton, Dr. Nagy, Alex, Dickson, Daniel, Sam, Martha, Mrs Sedek, Beatrice, Gertrude.... Mrs Sambani, Mr Madetsa... Mercy,, Ndasisira... Jessie and James...
The Nagy kids, the Madetsa kids, the Ter Haar kids, the Jones kids...
Spot and sprut....I have sprut here now, I don't know where Spot is.. I pet Sprut and bury my nose in her fur.. Just smelling her.. These dogs, especially Spot, has meant the world for me since I came here.. I just start crying again now just by thinking about him, so I better try to stop.. But it doesn't really matter, I've been Crying non stop all day long anyway....
The absolute worst part was to say good bye to Olivia.. She is the one person her in Malawi that I truly feel for the most, deep in my heart.. She is always so happy.. always smiling, no matter what problem she faces.. She always says “Aaa NO problem!” and laughs... But today, she took me in to my room and hugged me, and just started crying so heavily. Crying as if her heart was pouring out with the tears.. She don't speak english, but I told her how much she means to me, and I know that she understood me. If I could help her... If I could take away what is ruining her life by cutting off my own arm I would do that in a heart beat.. But I can't.. I can just promise to help her from a distance, send her money so she can buy good food and so her children can go to school...And Faines and Gracie.. Especially little Faines... She was born during my stay here, and I have seen her every day since. I know her every little move, her every little speciality.. the way she “curls” her nose when she laughs, the way she plumps with her lips... I know her every sound, and I know what it means.. It is as if she was my very own baby, and I just can't bear the thought of never see her grow up, start walking, talking... She will not remember me when she gets older, but I will think of her and of her mother everyday for always. I love them with all my heart.
Today has been a day of crying. Noone has been happy today. The security guard is crying outside the door. I am crying, Link is crying... Gomes is crying.. I will miss Gomes so much! We really became close friends these last months.. I really wish she can come to Norway or Sweden to visit me one day..
So, Tomorrow, the plane leaves. I've pealed the silver of my last ZAIN-unit.. I've eaten my last portion of Olivia-made Nzima. I've spent my last night under a mosquito net... Well, at least for this time.
I can really tell you, that this adventure has shaken my whole perception of life in it's foundation. Malawi, and particularly Olivia, has taught me that a human being has so much more strength inside than she can ever understand herself. And I am for ever grateful for that.
Next time I'll write, I'll be on Scandinavian soil. Hopefully closely held by Christian with a steaming cup of hot chocolate and a dolly dimples pizza in front of me... I am done here now, I am ready and longing to go back to my own world...But, it is not easy leaving a world that effect you so much more than anyone can ever understand.
Pics for the last two blog entries
My always smiling Olivia
Me and Olivia
Me, my husband and my baby...... =)
Olivia and beautiful Little Faines Emma (Emma is a name I gave her! Olivia wanted her to have a swedish name=))
Car break-down... (5 hours waiting....!)
We found a dead hyena by the side of the road...
Gule Vam Kules, dead hyena and Car break down(s)....
Me and Christian got chased by two gule vam kules when we visited Wilfreds home, and I have also seen them many times along the roads. Sometimes chasing people, sometimes performing rituals. They are also hired sometimes for official dances and stuff. It is really cool! Christian, you remeber the ones dancing at Liwonde? Those dressed as different anuimals and demons. they were all Gule vam Kules. And those dancing with the masks at Crossroads aswell. Really cool!
Anyway, another intresting thing.. On the way to Mua mission, we found a big, dead hyena on the side of the road. It was HUGE! We stopped the car and looked at it, and it was amazing to see it so close. Just sad that it was dead.. I find hyenas to be beautiful creatures! So powerful and mysterious.. I raelly like them. And now when we were able so study it very close, it is almost a little bit scary to know that they are walking outside out house during night time... But they mostly eat dead or wounded animals, so I've never really been worried about them. But really beautiful was he, and I wished he didn't have to die... =(
On the way home we had SOME PROBLEMS....! we left Mua Mission at 11.30. The car ride is supposed to take 1.5 hour... We were home in Nkhoma at 7.30 PM..... Whats not right here....!? Weell, we had three car break downs. First, flat tire. Waiteed for three hours for soem poor guy on a bike to go to closest village to find a new one or to fix the old one. Then we drove again. 10 minutes. Battery collapse!! Or something, i don't know. But the next 1 hour and 45 minutes we were stuck in a muddy village on a dirt road, surrounded by 200 children staring at us! And the battery was outside the car. People moving around with it... Outting different things into the engine.. I ahve NO IDEA what they were doing, but it seemed to us as if they were building a whole new engine from sugar canes and sticks. THEN we moved again. We came out from the bush and the dirt roads, and BANG! New flat tire. Waiting, waiting, waiting.. New fixing, more waiting.... GAA!!!!!'' I walked around and asked people to get me guavas cause I was so hungry! =) (Guavas as GREAT!).
Anyway, we came home.. finally.
And btw, I fixed my hair again! Or, Gomez did. We started on wednesday, and continued eveeryday, 3 or 4 hours a day wed, thurs and friday. Then yesterday we sat for 11 hours!! the whole day. But finally we finished, and it looks really nice!! The braids are much smaller this time then last time, and much lighter to carry.
Ok!! goooood Night!!
Seven days til departure
Seven days is what is left of our 10 months long stay in Malawi. And I will be honest - I am realy happy to go home now!! =D But I will miss the people here so much.. I think the person I will miss the most is Olivia. Our housemaid. She is such a wonderful person, and she has so many problems in her life, but she never complains. You will never hear this woman complain. No matter what. If the things that have happend to her would happen to me, I don't think I would ever be able to be happy again. But se smiles, everyday. And she says "Aaa Pa libe mabvuto!" (=No problem!). Thats her motto, her... life's philosophy. No problem. Whatever comes, it goes.
But I know that she is very sad that we leave now. She do not know what to do, it is very difficult to find a job for a housemaid here. Especially one that has an OK sallary. So I decided to gove her some money, so that she can manage some months after we leave. And also, I will try to help her a bit from home as well, sending some money through western union bank. I have always been thinking of sending money to some kind of charity, but instead of doing that, i will send money to Olivia and her two little daughters.
Yesterday I gave her a farwell gift, 40.000 kwatcha, which is about 1700 SEK/ 200 US$. My mother helped me with the money, so Olivias thanks is most of all for her =).
When Olivia got the money, she just sat down on the floor. And stayed there for half an hour. She was in shock! I sat down with her, and we talked about a lot of other things, but not about the money. She was unable to talk about it. Then, she stood up, did some work, and then she started laughing. the most beautiful laughter! =) She laughed so much she almost started crying, and repeated the sum of money she just had recieved. She couldn't believe it was true! Then she hugged me over and over again and she said "I am very happy!".
40.000 kwatcha for me would be a pair of jeans and a nice dinner. For her, it is almost a whole years sallary. It is food for her and her children for a year... You can imagine! It was amazing to witness how happy she was, and I felt that giving something to someone, is really the best feeling in the world. The most tuching thing was a thing she said.. she got a distant look on her face, like if she was dreaming, and then she looked at me, and her face burst into a giant smile, and she said "I can buy a chair!".
Thank you mama!! =))))
Olivia with Grace, years, and Faines, 4 months. =)
Dedza, minibuses and farewells...
Ok! Where to start... =) Ok, lets go backwards..
Today (sunday)
Farewell party for Jan and Trudy at their home.
Saturday:
I can tell you one thing.. If there is one thing I hate more than anything in this world, it is the minibuses in Malawi. I hate them, even more than I ahte the witch doctors.. (or maybe not more... I think witch doctors, minibuses and spiders are sharing my number one hate award...). Yesterday, I woke up with this aching urge for chocolate!! I have not had THAT severe need for chocolate in years, but now it was just.. suicidal! (do I have to tell you what part of the month it is...?).. anyway, I decided to take a trip to Lilongwe. By minibus. Off course, as always with minibuses, you just have to be prepared for anything. No time schedules, over full busses, Goats in your lap, children screaming, crying, peeing, shitting.. drunk people, sick people, incredible delays, fuel shortage, car collapse, doors falling of, people hanging on the outside of the bus while driving... well, pretty much anything. I have gotten used to it, so that is ok. BUT NOT ALL OF IT AT THE SAME TIME!!!!! The drive to lilongwe usually takes around 50 minutes. This day, it took.. TADA! 3 HOURS. Yepp. In the middle of nowhere, the driver realised we had no fuel. dirver walked away. Waited for 20 minutes. Then we all went out of the bus and caught another one. Moved everything over and left. We never saw "our" driver again. In the bus, maybe it is supposed to take 12 people, we were around.. 25. whereof some were children (yep, peeing, screaming etc etc..)Plus 5 goats. Plus 3 chickens. Goats were screaming (cause people were sitting on them) the chickens were screaming and shitting everywhere. AND off course all the luggage. Horrible. The door was hardly attached to the car, so one guy had to hold on to it the whole way. Radio on MAX volume on old, broken speakers. Horrible, horrible horrible!!!! Warm, sweaty, tired, uncomfortable (do I have to tell you that the seats were only consisting of metal with no support for the back...?) GAA. Well. I got to lilongwe. Stayed there for 45 minutes
(ATM -->SHOPRITE (CHOCOLATE) -->back to busstation). The last busses back to nkhoma leave lilongwe arounf 4 pm. And I reached Lilongwe at 3 pm. Soo it was a shit. But luckily, I found my taxi driving friend, who offered to take me all the way back to Nkhoma in his c ar, in exchange for a small fee and a chicken I acutally happend to have in my garden at home (a patient gave it to me as a gift the same morning). He was happy, I was happy. Then i crashed in the sofa for the rest of the night.
Friday
Went to Dedza pottery. By minibus (woohoo!!!!). I had a lot of pottery I couldnt fit in my bag, so I decided to take it back to the shop and ship it home. It was very affordable. 10 kgs of pottery shipped all the way from malawi to sweden for 500 SEK. (Ca 50 euro). So I had my last dedza cheesecake. The best cheesecake in the wntire world. Oh my god I will miss it... But during my divine, holy, "last-dedza-cheesecake-moment", a guy came up to me. He had heard me telling someone that I was a nurse, and he asked me if he could show me something. Against better knowledge I said yes (out of un-cureable curiosity). He took off his shoe, and his sock, and liftet to my face an infected toe full of puss. "What can i do woth this??" he asked me. The smell was petrifying.. I tried to look at the foot, chew and swallow my cheesecake and holding my breath at the same time.. Not very sucessful. Anyway, I told the guy a name of an antibiotic ointment he should buy at the pharmacy, and I quickly escaped. well... I guess it was in a way a good thing. It made my "last-dedza-cheesecake-moment" very.. Memorable.
Thursday
THE OFFICIAL GOODBYE PARTY FOR ME AND LINK! And also for Jennifer, Jan and Trudy who is leaving next week aswell. It was so beautiful, and very hard to realize that it was about us.. The whole hospital staff was there, clinicians, nurses, patient attendents, receptionists, cleaners, maintanance workers..... everyone!
And Mr Ter Haar held a speach, the general secretary held several speeches to each one of us.. I held a speach in chichewa! Big success!! =) The ward attendents were dancing, the men were drumming, we got presents.. And everyone was given food, beef stew with rice. We all sat together, watched the dances and ate with our hands (you always do that here. It is considered good behavior). It was both happy and sad, but honestly, most of all I am happy. I WANT TO GO HOME!!
=D=D=D
The ladies who cleans the hospital, sing and dance.
* * * 
Women dancing, men drumming. 
Speach!! Speach, Bilbo, SPEACH!!! (...)
Me, Link, and the hospital chaplain.
* * *
TODAY it is the 3:rd of APRIL and only 11 days to go!!!! YEEEHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I watched the terminal this morning, you know the Steven Spielberg movie with Tom Hanks... And I absolutely LOVED watching the airport!! Im longing until I am at amsterdam Airport, Schiphol... Ooo!!! I wanna go Hooooome!!!
Oh, and two new things i will MISS when going home: Guava (fresh from a tree in our garden. Sooo yummie!!) and aloe vera. We have a big bush in our garden, just to go out, cut some leaves of and smeer the fluids into your face. Perfect, heals everything!! Does wonders to your skin.
