In the bush
After some heavy days/weeks at the hospital,
I joined Links family (who came down last week to visit) to South Luangwa national park in Zambia. It was a kind of budget bush safari, we lived in tents and we ate outside. It reminded me of when i was a girl scout as a kid! =) there were i think 9 tents, but we were only 8 people, and all the other shared two and two so I got a tent al to myself. It was so nice, I slept like a baby! At least the two last nights. the first night I had a "bongolollo" in my tent. It is a bug, maybe 7 centimetres long (ICK!!), that makes a TERRIBLE sound! IT is so high you cant imagine! I have a video of one of them, but internet is too slow to put it up. You really have to hold your hands over your ears when it starts. I had to go up and find a camp security guard to remove it... ;)
We went on 4 safari tours, two day drives and two night drives. It was very beatiful, and the guide, Moses, knew so much. He was really really good. The most interesting thing i learned was that an elephants penis, when erected, can weigh up to 27 (!!!!!!!!!) KILOS. Can you imagine...? 27 kilos. Puh! I am so glad I am not an elephant lady.
We saw a lot fo giraffs, hippos, zebras, Kudos, waterbucks, buffalos, Impalas, warthogs... Moongooses.. Hyenas... Crocodiles.. And even a leopard! It was really cool, we saw a bunch of impalas (small antiloopes) making a special sound, a warning sound for predator as Moses said. We watched them for a bit, and then we changed the direction of the car. and me and link who was in the back, suddenly found ourselves face to face with a ready-to-jump leopard in the bush. He quickly retreated back into the bush. We were so angry with ourselves for moving the car and scaring him!! If we had just waited a few more seconds, we would with no doubt had seen him run out of the bush and take down an impala! But weell, at least we saw him. AND yeah!! We saw baboons making more baboons!! I even took a movie of it. It was hilarious!! But my camera didn't work very well.. so the video is very fuzzy... But I tell you, It was just soo funny!!!
A little disapponting was the dact that all the lions were hiding for us. everyone else who's been there has described the msot amazing meeting with lions. But we didn't see a single one. The guide said we were the first group he ever had that didn't see lion.... =((( But we heard them, though! During night. They were roaring in the bush. Pretty cool!! Especially when you live in a tent.
The bush is beautiful, peaceful.. Quiet in the day, and in the night it fills up with thousand diferent sounds. It is an amazing experinece to see the sun set over the african savanna, smelling, tuching and hearing the nature. At one piont, when we stopped the car on the top of a big hill to watch the sunset, I just laid down in the high grass and closed my eyes. Just let my body become one with the dirt beneath me. It is just amazing.
BUT, I must admit... I have been on several safaris now, I live close to the bush everyday, I am living in the middle fo it. And honestly, sitting in the grass in south luangwa, watching the impalas and zebras... In this stunning beauty.. suddenly, I got a very clear picture in my head of Gothenburg train station. Cold turmac, chewing gums stuck on the ground, hundreds of feet running in every direction.. hot dog and coke from the kiosk... And you know what? I did'nt feel horrified. I missed it! SO much!!! I felt very strong that I would change all this beauty in a heart beat, for standing on gothenburg trainstation. wierd, huh? I think I've had it with africa for a while. Im tired of beauty and nature and everything.. don't get me wrong.. the world here is amazing... But I miss home, so much!! and I think gothenburg train station is the perfect picture of being on the way home for me.
South luangwa (pic taken from google)
vs.
Gothenburg train station (pic. taken from google)
I joined Links family (who came down last week to visit) to South Luangwa national park in Zambia. It was a kind of budget bush safari, we lived in tents and we ate outside. It reminded me of when i was a girl scout as a kid! =) there were i think 9 tents, but we were only 8 people, and all the other shared two and two so I got a tent al to myself. It was so nice, I slept like a baby! At least the two last nights. the first night I had a "bongolollo" in my tent. It is a bug, maybe 7 centimetres long (ICK!!), that makes a TERRIBLE sound! IT is so high you cant imagine! I have a video of one of them, but internet is too slow to put it up. You really have to hold your hands over your ears when it starts. I had to go up and find a camp security guard to remove it... ;)
We went on 4 safari tours, two day drives and two night drives. It was very beatiful, and the guide, Moses, knew so much. He was really really good. The most interesting thing i learned was that an elephants penis, when erected, can weigh up to 27 (!!!!!!!!!) KILOS. Can you imagine...? 27 kilos. Puh! I am so glad I am not an elephant lady.
We saw a lot fo giraffs, hippos, zebras, Kudos, waterbucks, buffalos, Impalas, warthogs... Moongooses.. Hyenas... Crocodiles.. And even a leopard! It was really cool, we saw a bunch of impalas (small antiloopes) making a special sound, a warning sound for predator as Moses said. We watched them for a bit, and then we changed the direction of the car. and me and link who was in the back, suddenly found ourselves face to face with a ready-to-jump leopard in the bush. He quickly retreated back into the bush. We were so angry with ourselves for moving the car and scaring him!! If we had just waited a few more seconds, we would with no doubt had seen him run out of the bush and take down an impala! But weell, at least we saw him. AND yeah!! We saw baboons making more baboons!! I even took a movie of it. It was hilarious!! But my camera didn't work very well.. so the video is very fuzzy... But I tell you, It was just soo funny!!!
A little disapponting was the dact that all the lions were hiding for us. everyone else who's been there has described the msot amazing meeting with lions. But we didn't see a single one. The guide said we were the first group he ever had that didn't see lion.... =((( But we heard them, though! During night. They were roaring in the bush. Pretty cool!! Especially when you live in a tent.
The bush is beautiful, peaceful.. Quiet in the day, and in the night it fills up with thousand diferent sounds. It is an amazing experinece to see the sun set over the african savanna, smelling, tuching and hearing the nature. At one piont, when we stopped the car on the top of a big hill to watch the sunset, I just laid down in the high grass and closed my eyes. Just let my body become one with the dirt beneath me. It is just amazing.
BUT, I must admit... I have been on several safaris now, I live close to the bush everyday, I am living in the middle fo it. And honestly, sitting in the grass in south luangwa, watching the impalas and zebras... In this stunning beauty.. suddenly, I got a very clear picture in my head of Gothenburg train station. Cold turmac, chewing gums stuck on the ground, hundreds of feet running in every direction.. hot dog and coke from the kiosk... And you know what? I did'nt feel horrified. I missed it! SO much!!! I felt very strong that I would change all this beauty in a heart beat, for standing on gothenburg trainstation. wierd, huh? I think I've had it with africa for a while. Im tired of beauty and nature and everything.. don't get me wrong.. the world here is amazing... But I miss home, so much!! and I think gothenburg train station is the perfect picture of being on the way home for me.
South luangwa (pic taken from google)
vs.
Gothenburg train station (pic. taken from google)
Orphans and how to become a woman
Today I visited a school run by Nkhoma hospital for orphans. It was a very litte school, 30 children and no class rooms, not even a school building. They normally have their lessons under a tree, but now during the rainy season they moved in to an old chicken house close to the tree. It had not been chickens in it for a long time, so it didn't smell. The teacher was a young lady with a baby on her back. She was very enthusiastic, and the children were this day practicing counting 1 to 5 in english and the letters A E I O U. They were repeating the name of the number or the letter while the techer pointed at it on the black board (which was not really a black board, just a piece of wood put up on the wall). It was very fun to be there, the children where happy and eager to learn, they didn't even wanna go for break! =)
The teacher had her own little baby, and sometimes during the day the baby needed food. So she just started breastfeeding the baby and continued the lesson with the baby hanging from her nipple. That was so charming! =) Are teachers allowed to bring their babies to classes at home..? =) Is it even accepted to breast feed in public...? I think it is beautiful, and one thing that i love about Malawi is that no one here cares. a breast is a breast, it's meant for feeding your baby. That's it. No one looks strange at you for breast feeding in public here. They do it anywhere at anytime! =) It is completely natural. I love the simplicity here! =)
The school ends around noon, and then the childrne returns the their villages. Most of them lives with a relative or a family friend.
Did you know that one reason to all the orphans, it's the ceremoni they do in certain parts of Malawi to help a girl become a woman? for a girl to become a woman, she needs to live in the house of an older man for one month after she had her first period. The man has sex with her, and "teaches" her how to please a man. Most of these girls end up pregnant. But because they are very young, around 12, and not married, they are sent away for 9 months to give birth and leave the child with someone else. Most likely a grandmother. Then the child has never happend. the girl never had a child, and the child is classed as an orphan. That is why there are so many old women walking around with small babies on their backs. Sick tradition, huh??
When the grim reaper comes..
Yesterday he came again, the reaper... He came together with a beautiful little girl, 3 years old. Yulita was her name. She was very pale and anaemic, I checked her HB and it was around 2, but it should have been around 10.(in sweden: 20. Should be closer to 100). Positive for Malaria. Off course. His favorit victims.
Yulita was well nourished, no other problems. Her mother was very caring and sweet. When she came, the first thing I did was to take blood sample for grouping so we could get her a blood transfusion as soon as possible. She was awake, breathing and crying, but I knew that with that Hb, she could just faint and die any minute.
Sending the samples to the lab, I discovered that the Lab staff was not at work. Ther had not started their day yet. tried to call the one on call, but the hospital phones where not working by some reason. Frustration started to get to me, the morning had been horrible concering that kind of problems. The room was not well equipped as it should have been on a monday morning; we had no gloves, no dextrose. No nothing. And the most important thing we have in that room is dextrose. But we had none. Because someone didn't bother to order it. Anyhow, when Yulita came, I sent people in every direction to collect everythign that we missed. And after a while, we had most things.
I gave Yulita quinine for the malaria, and extra dextrose. Her blood sugar was very low. And I put her on oxygen.
She seemed stable, and the other nurses went to do soem other work. We discussed wither we shuld take her to the ward or keeo her in the room, but I wanted to keep her under good surveilance until she had had the blood transfusion. Before that, I did not want to consider her stable.
I sat by her side just observing her for maybe 30 minutes, she was breathing and looked ok. No blood yet. At this point, we had waited for almost an hour for the blood. And in an emergency like this, you are supposed to get in within 15 minutes. She was totally depending on oxygen, and as long as she was on oxygen, she was fine.
BUT... off course... this ins Malawi. Nothing works. And the oxygen concentrator suddenly stopped working. I turned it on and off, banged it, yelled at it, but it didn't want to produce oxygen. I called the electritian, and tried to wake up the child who quickly fell in to unconsciousness when she no longer got oxygen. I shook her, tapped her body, pinched her and gently slapped her, all to keep her awake. But she just fell faster and faster into the grim reapers arms... I called for help, and started CPR. a clinician and a nurse came to assist, and we attached the heart starter. It couldn't sense any heart activity, and did not advise shock. So we continued normal CPR, and for 65 minutes I and the other nurse massaged her heart and gave her breaths. That is a very long time to do CPR. We intubated her, gave her adrenaline and dextrose.. the blood came in the middle of everything, and I ordered the pther nurse to start just pushing it into her little body. If she was to come back to us, heart heart needed blood to move around, otherwise the compressions would be almost useless...
I did everything I could think of. But after more than an hour I had to face it... I had lost to the reaper.. again. I dont know how many times he has been pulling children out my arms since I came to Malawi... I stopped counting. I didn't win this time either... But at least I gave him a fight..
Would she have lived if she got the blood earlier...? would she have been alive long enough to get the transfusion if the oxygen concertrator hadn't stopped working? I don't know... But what I do know, is that it is a very difficult feeling... It is even difficult to describe. Can you imagine how it would be to witness a beautiful little girl like that, die because the equippment is badly maintained, and because people are not where they are supposed to be? And you being the only one deciding what to do, thinking out the next step when the first time didn't take you where you wanted... Usually doctors decide to stop CPR after maybe 30 minutes. I continued for an hour. Becasue of many things... I didn't want to give up. I didnæt want to make the decission. I wanted someone to come and put a hand on my shoulder and say, no, stop it.. It is not working. I wanted someone else to take the decission. But I had to do it. I had to decide that she was not gonna wake up.
All the time we tried to resucitate her, her grandmother stood by her side. Even when things got very un pleasant, she didn't leave, och move. She understood at the same time we stopped CPR that her girl was dead, noone had to tell her. She just looked at me, and looked at the other nurse, and started pressing Yulitas lips together, and then she looked at her, holding her mouth, and the she took her hand and closed the girls eyes. Then she closed her own, and started singing, high, and loud. The mother of the girl came in, together with the father. The fell in to the singing, and the mother gave up a wail you can't even imagine how it sounded. Like a wounded animal. Her child was dead. The sorrow and the pain she felt, must be beyond anything words can ever express. Then, the grandmother took Yulita on her back, tied her with a cloth, and walked home. followed by the crying mother and father. All the way home, they would sing and wail and cry.
No one should have to see thier child die... No one.
Yulita was well nourished, no other problems. Her mother was very caring and sweet. When she came, the first thing I did was to take blood sample for grouping so we could get her a blood transfusion as soon as possible. She was awake, breathing and crying, but I knew that with that Hb, she could just faint and die any minute.
Sending the samples to the lab, I discovered that the Lab staff was not at work. Ther had not started their day yet. tried to call the one on call, but the hospital phones where not working by some reason. Frustration started to get to me, the morning had been horrible concering that kind of problems. The room was not well equipped as it should have been on a monday morning; we had no gloves, no dextrose. No nothing. And the most important thing we have in that room is dextrose. But we had none. Because someone didn't bother to order it. Anyhow, when Yulita came, I sent people in every direction to collect everythign that we missed. And after a while, we had most things.
I gave Yulita quinine for the malaria, and extra dextrose. Her blood sugar was very low. And I put her on oxygen.
She seemed stable, and the other nurses went to do soem other work. We discussed wither we shuld take her to the ward or keeo her in the room, but I wanted to keep her under good surveilance until she had had the blood transfusion. Before that, I did not want to consider her stable.
I sat by her side just observing her for maybe 30 minutes, she was breathing and looked ok. No blood yet. At this point, we had waited for almost an hour for the blood. And in an emergency like this, you are supposed to get in within 15 minutes. She was totally depending on oxygen, and as long as she was on oxygen, she was fine.
BUT... off course... this ins Malawi. Nothing works. And the oxygen concentrator suddenly stopped working. I turned it on and off, banged it, yelled at it, but it didn't want to produce oxygen. I called the electritian, and tried to wake up the child who quickly fell in to unconsciousness when she no longer got oxygen. I shook her, tapped her body, pinched her and gently slapped her, all to keep her awake. But she just fell faster and faster into the grim reapers arms... I called for help, and started CPR. a clinician and a nurse came to assist, and we attached the heart starter. It couldn't sense any heart activity, and did not advise shock. So we continued normal CPR, and for 65 minutes I and the other nurse massaged her heart and gave her breaths. That is a very long time to do CPR. We intubated her, gave her adrenaline and dextrose.. the blood came in the middle of everything, and I ordered the pther nurse to start just pushing it into her little body. If she was to come back to us, heart heart needed blood to move around, otherwise the compressions would be almost useless...
I did everything I could think of. But after more than an hour I had to face it... I had lost to the reaper.. again. I dont know how many times he has been pulling children out my arms since I came to Malawi... I stopped counting. I didn't win this time either... But at least I gave him a fight..
Would she have lived if she got the blood earlier...? would she have been alive long enough to get the transfusion if the oxygen concertrator hadn't stopped working? I don't know... But what I do know, is that it is a very difficult feeling... It is even difficult to describe. Can you imagine how it would be to witness a beautiful little girl like that, die because the equippment is badly maintained, and because people are not where they are supposed to be? And you being the only one deciding what to do, thinking out the next step when the first time didn't take you where you wanted... Usually doctors decide to stop CPR after maybe 30 minutes. I continued for an hour. Becasue of many things... I didn't want to give up. I didnæt want to make the decission. I wanted someone to come and put a hand on my shoulder and say, no, stop it.. It is not working. I wanted someone else to take the decission. But I had to do it. I had to decide that she was not gonna wake up.
All the time we tried to resucitate her, her grandmother stood by her side. Even when things got very un pleasant, she didn't leave, och move. She understood at the same time we stopped CPR that her girl was dead, noone had to tell her. She just looked at me, and looked at the other nurse, and started pressing Yulitas lips together, and then she looked at her, holding her mouth, and the she took her hand and closed the girls eyes. Then she closed her own, and started singing, high, and loud. The mother of the girl came in, together with the father. The fell in to the singing, and the mother gave up a wail you can't even imagine how it sounded. Like a wounded animal. Her child was dead. The sorrow and the pain she felt, must be beyond anything words can ever express. Then, the grandmother took Yulita on her back, tied her with a cloth, and walked home. followed by the crying mother and father. All the way home, they would sing and wail and cry.
No one should have to see thier child die... No one.
Mponda breakfast and african magic
Im right now having breakfast that my lovely Olivia and Wilfred made for them, and shared with me.. I was a bit (or, ok, VERY) sceptic to the over boiled cucumber like gunge on my plate. But believe it or not, it was so good!! It looks like a giant cucumber, så i though the texture would be like... boiled cucumber. Slimy. But not at all, really! It smells wonderful, and tastes just like fresh potatoes in springtime in sweden. Some salt on it, and it's just delicious! It is called "Mphonda" in chichewa, but I will try to find the engish name. Wilfred says it is raelated to pumpkin, but nicer to eat.
Tonight, I could not sleep good at all.. I was stupid enough to believe i was cured from my night mares and could with out problems read a scary book before sleeping, but not... =( The book was called "Someone in your bed" and was about a could and dark creature that crawled up next to a girl in her bed when she turned out the lights... Ick. Not good.... especially not when you have hyenas lurking around just outside your window, howling, looking for food in the garden. We have had a lot fo them lately, around 11 pm they start coming down the mountain. You know when they approach, because all the stray dogs suddenly become silent. They usually fight, and bark och howl, but when hyenas are close, they all stay away, hiding. They don't want to get into a fight with a hyena... I really wish to see a hyena, I am not afraid of them.. But as long as you only hear them, they get some kind of powerful mysticism about them. And you can hear, right outside your bedroom window, but you can't see it, cause as soon as you pull the curtain away, it is allready gone.
There are a lot of stories about african magic here and the people really believe in it, no matter how educated they are. They believe that people can put curses on each other. They can make someone become sick as a punishment, or just because they are evil. Not everyone can put a curse or practice magic, only some people. the traditional doctors (witch doctors) can do it, and they can also shift they shape. They can turn in to any animal, preferably a hyena, and then they sneak around during night, collecting secrets from people, learning dark magic. We had a situaton recentely in Nkhoma.. Some people burned a hyena, and the same day a witch doctor went missing. The newspapers put out the news; "Traditional doctor in shape of hyena killed". Everyone believed so, even the staff at the hospital. The scary thing is, that this witch doctor is still missing, many weeks later. So who know? Maybe it is true! Maybe there are not hyenas lurking around our house in the night, but people practising dark magic...?
When you ask the people here, why no muzungo (white person) has ever experienced anything, they simply say "Witch craft doesn't work on muzungo!" And for them, it is true. Even the really educated ones, they believe so. I find it amazing. People here live so close to nature, and everything turns into magic.
A friend of ours, Keith, is a nurse at the hospital. And he is very educated, very modern and very "westernized" if I can say so. And even he says it is true. He once saw a person turn in to a beatle and fly away.
In the hospital, there was a guy in the staff accused for witch craft, and accused to put spells and curses on the other staff members and their familys. Noone wanted to talk to him, everyone turned against him, and it all ended with the hospital priest together with a lot of staff members walked from house to house in Nkhoma to pray together with everyone for this man.
Can you imagine the world I ve lived in for a year?? =)
Tonight, I could not sleep good at all.. I was stupid enough to believe i was cured from my night mares and could with out problems read a scary book before sleeping, but not... =( The book was called "Someone in your bed" and was about a could and dark creature that crawled up next to a girl in her bed when she turned out the lights... Ick. Not good.... especially not when you have hyenas lurking around just outside your window, howling, looking for food in the garden. We have had a lot fo them lately, around 11 pm they start coming down the mountain. You know when they approach, because all the stray dogs suddenly become silent. They usually fight, and bark och howl, but when hyenas are close, they all stay away, hiding. They don't want to get into a fight with a hyena... I really wish to see a hyena, I am not afraid of them.. But as long as you only hear them, they get some kind of powerful mysticism about them. And you can hear, right outside your bedroom window, but you can't see it, cause as soon as you pull the curtain away, it is allready gone.
There are a lot of stories about african magic here and the people really believe in it, no matter how educated they are. They believe that people can put curses on each other. They can make someone become sick as a punishment, or just because they are evil. Not everyone can put a curse or practice magic, only some people. the traditional doctors (witch doctors) can do it, and they can also shift they shape. They can turn in to any animal, preferably a hyena, and then they sneak around during night, collecting secrets from people, learning dark magic. We had a situaton recentely in Nkhoma.. Some people burned a hyena, and the same day a witch doctor went missing. The newspapers put out the news; "Traditional doctor in shape of hyena killed". Everyone believed so, even the staff at the hospital. The scary thing is, that this witch doctor is still missing, many weeks later. So who know? Maybe it is true! Maybe there are not hyenas lurking around our house in the night, but people practising dark magic...?
When you ask the people here, why no muzungo (white person) has ever experienced anything, they simply say "Witch craft doesn't work on muzungo!" And for them, it is true. Even the really educated ones, they believe so. I find it amazing. People here live so close to nature, and everything turns into magic.
A friend of ours, Keith, is a nurse at the hospital. And he is very educated, very modern and very "westernized" if I can say so. And even he says it is true. He once saw a person turn in to a beatle and fly away.
In the hospital, there was a guy in the staff accused for witch craft, and accused to put spells and curses on the other staff members and their familys. Noone wanted to talk to him, everyone turned against him, and it all ended with the hospital priest together with a lot of staff members walked from house to house in Nkhoma to pray together with everyone for this man.
Can you imagine the world I ve lived in for a year?? =)
44 Days!!
This is how we cook a chicken in Malawi! TODAY we have exactely 44 days left in Malawi! I dont know what to say... I long so much to go home, but it starts to feel... Very strange. to leave all this!!
Today i was in lilongwe. I tried to order two pizzas; ONE small to eat in the restaurant, and ONE big to take away. Noooo.... "What...?" I explained again. "Hmm.. Noo... We cant do that". So I say: "OK. Can I buy TWO pizzas?" "yes" "Can I Buy one small to eat here?" "Yes". "Can I buy a big one to take home?" "Yes." "So! Problem solved! Give me a small one here, and pack a big one for me to take home!" *Long paus* then:" No. That is impossible. You have to order the same size".. WHAT!!!??? Aaaa.... I was tired, no energy to discuss. So we compromised; I got 2 medium pizzas. Gaaah. But actually Im not annoyed, I just thought it was fun =) I just felt "aaaa this is My malawi! Everything is a mess, but it is so nice!" the pizza guys were happy, I was happy. Palibe mabvuto! No problem! =)
Blood going for HIV-testing.
Well...It starts feeling sad to leave! I will miss everything so much!! The goats and stray dogs walking around in the hospital corridores... Chickens and children everywhere... Traffic jams caused by too many cows (??) on the road.. All the warm, smiling faces....
My Fanta-guys outside the hospital <3
AND the Nsima... Nsima everywhere! Patients sharing in the corridores, on the floors... You canät imagine how is is. It sound miserable, but it is not! It is so beautiful! The more time I spent here, the less I want to change. Everyone here is happy! They have Nothing. They are dirty. They have horrible diseases. Ther are poor. But hey are just smiling! Everyone is happy. At home, we are all so depressed, even though we have everything we could possibly need! So who is right... Africa or us?
Agogo carrying Nsima in the hosspital corridores
Now, we are going for dinner at isabelles house.
Bye bye! =)
