Mary in Malawi

21/2

A 10 year old girl died today. We were trying to resucitate her, but without sucess. I felt guilty, cause I was the one recieving her in the ER. Than I had to go to the workshop, so I left over to another nurse. Than, I went back to see if everything was ok, and I found the child unconscius in the childrens ward. The staff had allready started resucitating her. I joined with our new heart starter (defibrillator) but without success. The doctor in command did not want to listen to the heart starter, but just wanted to do her own way and then the heart starter wont work.. So everything got a bit confused. This doctor mostly seems to consider it more important the BE right than to DO right. Anyhow, the child got over all good assessment, but she died anway. But she would have died whatever happend today. She had an Hb of 2 (20, in sweden) and she had been at the traditional doctors place (witch doctor) for a whole week. The mother didn't want to take the child to the hospital, cause she thought tha child would then die. And well, she was right. She took the girl here, and she died. But that was because she was to late, and not because of anything done in the hospital. The child was bwyond rescue. It was very sad, the girl was beautiful and strong, good health.. I just felt... I should not have left her in the ER with the other nurse. I know she was very sick, but I didn't think she was that ill that she would die within an hour.. Maybe I could have realized the severity of her condition earliet, maybe I would have decided not to move her from the ER and started the nlood transfusion right there and then... But on the other hand, maybe not. And In any case, so would most likely have been dead no matter what...

I remember she cried when I put the cannula, which is a good sign. But unfortunately, I think that cry was her last. Imagine her last moments in life. Pain, and horror. A strange white face leaning over her little body, causing her pain with sharp needles without understanding why.. Fuck. I remember the mother was really stressed, and she was really worried... Aaa I dont know what to feel. If the mother had come earlier to the hospital with this beautiful, big, well nurished child, she would have been alive now. So Im feeling anger towards the fucking horrible witch doctors. I wish they could be forbidden and banished, for ever. Imagine the harm they do! Innocent people, children, die because they trust these fucking hypocrits... I am so angry there are no limits. If I could get my hands on one of these withc doctors..... I would strangle him in a heartbeat. I see all these people dying because they believe in something hurting them.... Aaaa.... Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, the workshop is working well.... Solveig (our boss) and Vigdis (midwife) has come here from Noray to attend the workshop. It is very nice to have them here! Also, I last week had Sofia and Daniel here for a visit. We went to the lake (Norman Carr!!!!) and to safari in Liwonde. Good as always! But not many animals as in the dry season, but well, we saw a lot of elephants anyway. Now, Sofia and Daniel are travelling to Victoria falls. I bet it will be amazing!! I hope I can go there before I go home... It was nice to have them here... =) It feels strange showing your life here for someone from home.. It's like.. No one can really understand it. You know what I mean?

And now... SOON Home!!! Only 7 weeks left here now... Can you believe it?!? I Dont know what to feel. It will be wonderful coming home, but leave all this also feels... very sad. Horrible. It has been my home for a year. Will I be able to adapt to the work and life in Norway?? Have I been africanized? I don't know... There are so many thing I will miss...Anyway, I want to go home, so that will be amazing. I'm longing to be with Christian again..

Then I guess I will see what the future will bring.

Good night.