Mary in Malawi

3 October

Thanks Karen! =D

Ok worst crisis over! I am now in a better mode. And MANY THANKS TO KAREN FERRIS! =D (Christians sister) She sent a lot of baby clothes here, and I tell you, that is exactely what we need. Yesterday a young girl came to our house, carring a naked baby, just a few days old. She was talking in chichewa, I didn't understand much, but I got that she wanted help. She had given birth at home, and not been to the hospital afterwards. I examined the baby, and she was just fine. But I told the girl to go to the hospital anyway, to get herself checked properly. I gave her some old clothes I don't use anymore, cause the clothes she was wearing were dirty and broken. And I got some of the baby clothes from Karen. I gave her some baby bodies, two little hats, a pair of socks and a orange baby blanket. She got so happy, and immediately started dressing the baby. I took some photos, hopefully I can post them here. I told her where the clothes came from, and that they had once belonged to a little girl in Norway called Ronja. She was so happy, and she told me to thank you so much for giving her the clothes, and that she will pray for you =). Alsso I've given some of the clothes to my gardener Wilfred. He has three dauhters, one of them little baby girl, 5 months old, called Sala. He got very happy to get some new clothes for her, and when I met his family next  time I will take some photos of her in the new clothes. The rest of the clothes I will give to our house maid Olivia. She is giving birth to her second child in November, and she is very poor. I have not yet told her, But I know she will be very happy.. =)

 It is sunday, Im alone at work. Only me in whole OPD and private ward. Lack off staff again. The students have gone, and we are once againg struggling... Anyway, a good thing is that the triage has been done oven though me and Link was not here. The bad thing is that the colour slips mysteriously has run out, so we have to buy new ones. But well, thats not the biggest issue in the world, I'm just happy things worked! And the emergency room is soon finished, so now we are only waiting for the equipment to arrive. Jippi!! =)




If anyone wants to send me something to assist the people here, the adress is:

Nurse Maria Svensson
O.P.D
Nkhoma Hospital
BOX 48
Nkhoma
Lilongwe District
Malawi

everything is welcome, but most urgent we need baby clothes, especially little hats and socks.

 And if someone working at a hospital has the possibility to donate these things, we would be very grateful:

* A pulse-oxi-meter (Pox)
* some fever thermometres (celsius scale)
* Wound care equipment (Aquacel, polymem, solvaline, Zink etc etc...)

 Me with the little baby now in possession of Ronjas clothes =)


Mother with baby

1 october

Crying =(

Christian left today. I can see no light. Everything is dark and depressing. I want to sleep until christimas. And eat. Chocolate. A lot. And listen to sentimental music and watch sentimental movies. Yes. That what I should do.

2 october

Shit. Nothing works. God so tired i get. =(

Three weeks in good living conditions is not good. You get used to things working again. And then you come back to the real life in Malawi, and you realise that nothing is working, ever... And we have an invasion of cochroaches and giant spiders in our house. I hate it. But in one way it's good. I can get my frustration out by going berserk woth the DOOM-spray and killing every god damn insect I can see.... amohahahaha.....*evil*

30 september

So have this wonderful three weeks come to an end. They have gone so fast... It felt like christian came just a few days ago. But yet we have done a lot!

For me, it has been vaccation in heaven! For Christian it has been three weeks of great contrast. From eating Nsima on the floor in a clay house and being hunted by traditional demons, to sleep in a king size bed in a delexe suite in the best hotel in lilongwe.. I must say that Christian made an impression on me. He is a kind of luxurious guy, likes it nice and clean and somehow expensive.. ;) But he has not once complained, and he has really had an intense, pracitical course in malawian lifestyles. He has been travelling like a malawian (overcrowded minibuses, back of trucks, bicycle taxi, ambulancetransport..) He has been eating lika a malawian (Nsima, nsima, nsima...) and he has even learned to think in ”Malawi-time” which means no watch, no clue about time or date and to never be surprised when a malawian turns up three hours later then agreed....;)

He has seen the hospital, he has witnessed me and clinical officer daniel repairing a broken arm (which made him never want to return to the hospital ever again...)

He has also gotten used to get food stolen by monkeys (with great blue balls).

And he has now also learnt a lesson. He must marry me, 'cause as of now we are living in sin. The traditional chief of Nkhoma/ the Chief priest of all Nkhoma synod churches came to our house a monday morning at 7:30. He had heard the rumour that I lived together with a man I was not married to. So he came, and he explained to Christian that he had to marry me, and he could arrange it all right there and then. We politely turned his offer down (or Christian did, I kind of agreed with the priest. I mean, what would Jesus say if he knew, seriously?)

....

I asked Christian just now what his greatest impression of Malawi was. And he said (quote); ” That people were so happy. Even though they live such a hard life. Maybe we have something to learn from them”

=)

Politik, politik

This is in swedish, sorry. But this is not about malawi. Next time back to english again. The swedish election brought up a lot of hysteria, and I would like to comment some things.

Okej. Många vänner är snabba med att döma. En kommentar jag fått är ”Du som är en god människa, som jobbar i ett av världens fattigaste land, hur kan du rösta blått?” Det gjorde mig ledsen, arg och förbannad. Att folk är så himla okritiska och naiva, att folk bara kan lägga fram sådana påståenden utan att ha en aning om vad de pratar om.

1. Politik delas ganska rumphugget in i blått och rött. Många har från barnsben lärt sig av sina föräldrar att det ena är bra, och den andra är dåligt. De har sedan aldrig riktigt brytt sig om att forma en egen uppfattning eller läsa på vad de olika partierna står för. Många lever i tron att rött är gott och blått är ont, och tvärrtom. Många ”vanliga” svenskar har förutfattade meningar i politik, utna att egentligen veta vad det är rött och blått står för. Jag höll på en hel del med polititk för några år sedan, men ja blev så dålig och trött och irriterad och frustrerad av alla dessa förutfattade meningar och påståenden utan konsistens att jag rätt och slätt inte orkade med det längre. Nu nöjer jag mig med att rösta, men inte ens det kan man göra utan att få kritik av folk som inte har en aning vad de pratar om. Otroligt provocerande.

    

2. Angående påståendet att ”du som är en god människa, hur kan du rösta blått?” .. Politik är inte som moln ovanför oss som vi kastar våra röster mot. Vi är politiken. Jag är en del av det parti jag röstar på. En representant. Om du tycker jag är en bra människa, istället för att döma ut det jag röstar på som skit, tänk efter. Om jag privat är en vettig människa som du tycker om och tycker är godhjärtad, då kanske det faktiskt är så att det är en del av den mentaliteten i det parti jag är en del av?

    

3. Jämför politik med religion. Kristna snakkar skit om muslimer. ”Du som är snäll och bra, hur kan du vara muslim? Terrorister, al quaida, omskärelse av kvinnor....Hemsk religion!” Muslimer snakkar skit om kristna: ”De tror på fel Gud, de gör si och så, usch vad hemskt. Förföljelser av det och det... Hemsk religion” Det är så himla synd med dessa förutfattade meningar. Det finns mycket gott i alla religioner, och det finns rötägg och idioter i alla religioner. Ofta blir religion förväxlat med kultur, t.ex säger Mohamnmed i Koranen att det är synd att omskära kvinnor, att detta inte skall göras. Att det ändå görs är en del av kulturen. Men många tror att det är religionen, för de har inte själva läst koranen. En del kristina som inte har läst bibeln menar att biblen är bara god, men i gamla testamentet kan du läsa en hel del fruktansvärda saker. Lagar och regler t.ex. På ett ställe står det attt om en kvinna och en man har sex innan äktenskapet skall kvinnan föras till sin faders hus och stenas till döds. Det är det inte många som vet. Det är PRECIS samma sak med politik. Det finns idioter i alla partier, det finns idiotiska förslag inom alla färger och färgkonstellationer. Men att bara ta något man hört för givet, utan att läsa på och se det från båda sidor, både för och nackdelar, är oerhört naivt och okritiskt. Summa summarum: Döm inte oliktänkade. Diskutera med dem, försök förstå dem. Se både för och nackdelar i deras argument och förslag.

    

4. Påståenden utan konsistens. ”Rött är bra, blått är dumt” ”blått är bra, rött är dumt” ”De röda är dumma, se bara på stalin, han var röd. Ond, ond! De röda vill inte att någon ska lyckas, bara dra alla över en kam. Blått är framtiden för sverige”. ”De blåa är dumma, de vill att fattiga ska bli fattigare och rika rikare. Hitler var blå. Usch usch, rösta rött” Bara OKRITISKA NAIVA PÅSTÅENDEN UTAN KONSISTENS. Varken blått eller rött går in för att förstöra, de har bara olika åsikter. Du kan vara för eller emot, men att bara dissa alla blå eller röda förslag utan att ens veta vad de rör sig om är både dumt och farligt.

    

5. Jämför politik med bacon. Du hatar bacon. Bacon kommer från gris. Du hatar därmed också grisar, grisar är hemska. Men har du tänkt på kotlett? Skinkstek? Julskinka? Husdjur? Det finns fler aspekter av grisen än bacon. SAMMA MED POLITIK. Det finns fler sätt att se på röd och blå politik, och det finns alltid fördelar och nackdelar med alla förslag. Du kan inte hata hela grisen bara för att du inte gillar bacon.

    

6. Kasta gärna pajer på varandra, så länge du vet vad som är i pajen, och så länge du vet vad som är i motståndarens paj! Men har du ingen aning utan bara apar efter sånt du hört från någon utan att reflektera över det eller läsa på själv, har du fanimej ingen rätt att kasta paj. Okristisk pajkastning är pinsamt och provocerande.

    

7. Och angående sverigedemokraterna; en del helt okritiska och naiva röster säger ”neej, nu har vi fått in ett nasistparti* i riksdagen genom att använda demokrati. Vi borde avskaffa demokratin” Hallå?? Vi får in ett ODEMOKRATISKT* parti, och vi vill möta det med att avskaffa demokratin? Ja det kan jag garantera att alla odemokratiska partier uppskatta oerhört mycket! Hur fan tänker folk??? Det är ju precis såna rekationer som är farliga, precis såna reaktione som skapar klyfton mellan människor och ger utrymme för odemokratiiska, nasistiska och kommunistiska grupper att växa sig starka. Det farliga med politik är okritiska och naiva människor, inte partierna i sig. Det är så jävla lätt att bara följa nåt man hört när man var liten, och helt utan att egentligen ha en aning vad man pratar om kasta paj på de som tänker annorlunda. Hitler fick en hel nation att göra helt fruktansvärda saker, för de bara accepterade vad de hörde utan att reflektera. Och ni som tror att ni är så jävla goda människor bara för att ni röstar rött eller blått utan att egentligen ha en aning om vad ni röstar på, har jag ingen respekt för i de här sammanhangen. LÄS PÅ FÖR GUDS SKULL.
   
   * Jag vill tillägga att jag har egentligen ingen koll på huruvida SvD är nasistiska och odemokratiska eller inte, jag har faktiskt inte läst deras partiprogram och jag har inte satt mig in i det. Men jag hoppas att alla ni som går runt och beskyller de för att vara nasister HAR satt er in i partiprogrammet, och inte bara apar efter något ni hört..... Tyvärr tror det att det är väldiigt liten sannolikhet att ni faktsikt har gjort det.
   

8. Politik är som en cirkel och inte en rät linje. Går du för långt åt höger/blått blir det svart; du kommer till hitler och nasismen. Går du för långt åt vänster/rött blir det svart, du kommer till Stalin, Bägge hade koncentrationsläger, bägge var tyranner. Men folk verkar ha glömt det. Höger politik menar att alla är olika, och vänster att alla är lika. Håller det sig inom vissa ramar, är  både synsätt okej. Höger: Alla är olika, vi måste anpassa samhället efter allas olika behov. vänster: Alla är lika, vi måste göre ett samhälle som inte skiljer för mycket mellan olika människor. I en bra kombination kunde både dessa synsätt fungera tillsammans. Men drar du det för långt, som stalin och hitler.. då blir det mer som såhär; Hitler-Höger: Alla är olika. Bara den och den gruppen är bra. Döda alla andra. Stalin-Vänster: Alla är/ska vara lika. De som inte passar i i samhället ska bort. Döda de.
   
   Så går du för långt åt rött eller blått, bli det som jag ser det i vilket fall som helst svart.
   

GODNATT!

6 september – My very own Abscess! =D

Today I did an abscess draining! =D The child had a giant abscess on his back (abscess: Infektion under the skin or in the fat tissue that causes big pus produktion. The infektion spreads, and creates a ”ball” under the skin). To drain an abscess you must first sterilise the area, and then take a surgical blade and cut a generous opening in the abscess. When you're inside, pus will start pouring out, together with blood. You squeeze out as much as you can, and then you inert your finger and breaks all the pockets of pus that are hiding inside the tissue. I moved my index finger around, and when all the pockets where broken and all the pus had come out, I could feel the boys ribs. With no skin between, i acutally felt the bone. That was amazing!! =D Maybe I really should be a surgeon...? Naaah, tooo many years in school.

Something else that is amazing: 4 days left til Christian arrives!!!! =D

Today we have 5 first year students in OPD. They are very positive and willing to learn, and they seem very intrested in the triage. They have not learned so much yet, so I get to teach a bit. And that's really fun! I love having students. I remember when I was a student I had some really horrible nurses as tutors, they were just pointing out everything I did wrong... I promised myself to never be like that, so I all the time try to encourage the students and focus on what they do good. If they do something wrong, I just show them how they are supposed to do it, and tell them that it is perfectly normal to make misstakes. Trial and error, learning by doing. Thats just the way it is. Everyone has to learn to crawl before you can walk. I think I learned that from my parents. They are both teachers, and have shown me a lot of patience and understanding during all my misstakes and personal disasters when growing up.. ;-)

I'm getting good at making Nzima! I've made it three times now, last time today, I made it all by myself without help. I made it for our gardener and maid for their lunch. The gardener is so happy I'm learning to make Nzima, he says that when I make the perfect Nzima, Im a true Malawian. I'm not really there yet, but I'll keep on trying.. ;)

5 september

5 days til Christians arrival!! =D It feels like a visit from another planet... I looked at the monkeys in the garden today, and I didn''t really react. And suddenly it hit me that I got used to them. They were no longer that special. So I started thinking about everything I see here everyday.. Women carrying water on the head, smiling, dirty children in torn apart clothes, men biking on old fashioned bikes with five alive goats tied to the back of the bike... Little boys selling dried mice on stick along the road.. And I remembered how I reacted to everything in the beginning. Will Christian, when he comes, he will see things the way I sae them when I came, and I might react to his reactions... It will for sure be fun and interesting! =)

Concering Insects.. As I wrote yesterday didn't the preymantis scare the shit out of me as I had expected. I actually managed to lift it up on a piece of paper. I actually considered it to be a beautiiful creature. And I looked at some grasshoppers today, and i could even touch one! Without freaking out. But they have lovely colours, and they look cute. The insects at home are more.. zombie-like, ugly and scary.. And you know what? A few nights ago a big cochroach fell down on my head when I was lying in bed. It had been hiding inside the mosquito net! Ok, I admit, I freaked out a little, but not at all as much as I would have done three moonths ago. I didn't even fall out of the bed. I caught it with a towel and throw it out, with the purpose to let him out in the garden, nopt to kill him. But then I accidentaly dropped a book on him so he died... that wasn't my plan, but... well. Well well.

But no matter what progress I made here, spider still is out of the question to consider as cute. They are even worse here than home, big and hairy and long disgusting legs... Ick!

Oh and I forgot to tell you, Immigration FINALLY decided to accept our papers. But while we where in the office, we actually saw a guy giving a bribe. No money was supposed to be paid in that office, all payment was done in another room. But we saw him giving money, trying to be discrete. Bah. That what they waited for us to do. Anyway, we could leave our application. But is was a little bit funny, we first got a stamp that the papers where correct. Then we went to the other room to pay, and got a receipt and a stamp that we had paid. Than we had to go to another room, where they looked at the receipt, and then they gave us another receipt that confirmed that we had a reciept. And off course new stamps. Then we went back to the first office, where we got another stamp, and finally we could GO! Wohooo!!! We will probobly never get the working permit, it takes almost a year to get it after sending in an application. But anyway, we have done what we can.

4 september

Today we attended a wedding! It was Maxwell, a nurse at pediatric ward, and Joyce, a patient attendant at surgical ward. It started at 6 am (real time: 8:45. Always add at least two hours if a malawian asks you to be somewhere at a certain time. Otherwise you will have to wait. A lot...!)

Everyone danced in to the chruch, first kids in beautiful dresses, and then the brides maids. Dnacing and singing! It was really beautiful. Then the bride came in, danccing. And half way through the church, the groom started dancing from the other side of the corridore. And they met in the middle and joined each others hand and kept on dancing all the way up to the priest together. It was really really nice, both me and Link got tears in our eyes! I also want to!!!!

Actually a guy proposed to me today. I told him that I was married. And then he said ”But I would like to give you a baby! Do you want?” So I said NO, not from you. Then we had a long, but intresting discussion about wether I should have his babies or not. I told him, ”I love my husband, and I only want his babies” and he said ”Why?” and me: ”What do you mean why?” him: ”I mean, why his babies, not mine??” Me: ”Cause I love him, and I am MARRIED to him” He: ”Why?”

Gaa! Haha! I told him that Christian is coming next week, and than he said Ok, and asked if we could be in love when he left. Oh my God.

What else? The projectis going better and better. We had a good but difficult discussion with our colleagues a few days ago. We discussed some things, and I think we reach a good agreement. Now all of them are helping out down in reception, to triage the patients and stabilize the really sick ones. And that is really good, and needed. Almost every day we find someone, mostly small babies, waiting in line that are actually dying, or close to be. Many babies suffer from so many different thing, very many suffers from malnutrion combined with HIV and Malaria. We have a lot of babies with measles, the measles epidemy is still going strong, and we can't reallly see any signs of it to end. The epudemy might be caused because of a miss in the vaccinations a few years ago. Everyone here have to take measles vaccine againg now, because many that where told they got it when they were little, didn't actually get it. So now we have an epidemy that kills a lot of people. That is something to think about at home, where many people are refusing vaccines. Without vaccines, sweden and norway would still havev a lot of problems with... for example maybe polio, tbc, measles etc. What if someone could make a vaccin for HIV? Wow. That we make a whole new start for africa.

A sad case in medical ward: 18 year old girl came in. Her husband belonged to the Zion-cult i told you about earlier. The girl was pregant, but she got sick from measles, and the baby died. Her husband, who due to Zion, refused medical care, refused her to go to hospital. So nothing where done. She kept on being 7 months pregnant, with a dead baby. And seriously ill from measles.. Finally, she in one way or another, made it to the hospital in secret. She got help and treatment, but it was to late... She died 24 hours after admission.. It is a very tragic story. And it is not the only one. This is as I said before a completely different world.

Communication is a different thing here than it is at home. It is easy to insult someone without knowing it, and also when you always communicating in english that is noone first language there can be some missinterprations. YES is sometimes NO and the other way around.. Never ask a malawian something in negative form! For example, you ask ”Are there no more apples in there?” The malawian answer ”Yes”. Ok, I think she means; ”Yes, there are apples in there”. But she really means No. Because with her ”yes” she is confirming that what I said is correct. So she means, ” Yes, you are right, there are no more apples”. You see? When it concerns more inportant things than apples, it can be a problem. For example ”Didn't you give that lady her medication?” ”Yes”... hmmm... Than you think dhe did give her the meds, but she really means that she didn't. And if it is the other way around, if the malawian asks you ”Didn't you give her the medication?” and you answer ”No” , she thinks what she says is wrong and that you did give the patient medication... Gaa you see the problem? ;)

Also, remember; if someone is pregnant, don't mention it! If it is a good friend you can talk about it, but not if it is just a colleague or something. Reason: The belief is that if you talk about the baby before it is born, you can put a curse on it, and if the baby is born dead or with only one leg and six fingers or some other problem, it is your fault because you cursed the baby by asking about it before it was born.

I think I accidentaly might have cursed a few babies... Tina, whatever problems Casper might get, it is probobly my fault... ;)

An intresting thing about sex: people don't talk about sexuality here. Even couples don't talk about it. I mean, some do, but the offical story is that noone talks about it ever. Instead, the women where a band of pearls around their waist. When the man wants to have sex with her, he simply touches the pearl band. As a silent question. And depending on what colour the pearls are, the answer is yes or no. I don't know the colours, but one colour represents yes, another one no. And then there are some with mixed colours... And I don't know what they might mean... ;) Maybe ”Yes, If you do the dishes” or something? ;)

Another thing tha tis intresting is the relationship between mother and daugther. When someone gets pregnant, her mother moves in with her and stays with her through all the pregnancy, delivery and several months after the baby is born. Not all families do this, but the more traditional families do this. And also, they never plan the name of the baby before it is born.The name is chosen by the mother alone, and is often based on the feeling thee mother her while giving birth. We have some special names here, some are beautiful like: Innocent, Happy, Memory, Wonderful, Beautiful, Blessing, Gift etc.. Some names are less flattering, such as; Trouble and Painful. And then there are the mysterious names, like Secret. I wonder what people at home would have named thier babies, if the name woulld be based on the feeling during delivery? =)



Today we went for a party with the Norweigan embassy. I looked forward to spek swedish! =)vAll scandinavians in Malawi was inviated. It was nice, but unfortunately most of the people where from Denmark, only a few from Norway and only me from sweden. I accidentally always ended with with danish people, and had to speak mostly english anyway. Well well. You can't have it all... ;) At least, the bar made very good mojitos! =D

29/8

Sick! Soar throat, pain in ears! Not indications of malaria. Probobly just some shit.. It will be allright.

Been working since 7 am today, and will knock off at 7 pm. Asch. Not nice working hours.. sundays are boring.. Not many patients coming in.. One girl with plausible meningitis, a kid with measles, a man with split lip after bicycle accident and a guy who stepped on a cannula (???) outside the hospital. He will get PEP treatment to minimize the risk of HIV. He was also supposed to get tetanus vaccination (stelkramp) but the man who had the keys to pharmacy was in church, and could according to other staff members not be distubed on a church day. Gaah. So the guy had to go home, and come back the next day to get the shot and the PEP. Nothing is more important than church. Hallelujha!

Oo yes, we have bought a dvd-player! =) we have already had two movie nights! =) Jippiiee!

Watched wall-e and Avatar! =) And we have an AMAZING tv-channel; TSN, The Style Network! I know my sister Sofia would love it aswell.. All day long they only sent project runway, top model, documentaries about strange people, "16 and pregnant", project hair saloon, catwalk etc etc... It is only girly reality shows, and they are all completely, wonderfully brain dead and 100% watchable! Just what you need after a hard day's work! =)

Other intresting things: We have some problems with patients belonging to a religion or cult called Zion. I no nothing about it, more than that they refuse medical care. The police came with a man who was very sick from measles. He had 7 children and the mother was already dead. But he denied medical care 'cause of zion... He was taken here by police and they chained him to the bed, hands and feet. So he is now in chains, receiving medication against his will. He is getting much better and will probobly survive now, which is good.. As the brother said ”I can't afford to take care of his children if he dies!” I don't really know what I think about this... Hehe.. Here, this is what is right to do. At home, it would be up to him wether he wants treatmant or not.. well, it's intresting to see the differences.

We also had some children from the same cult. The parents denied them medical care, so the neighbours had to break in to their house and kidnap them. But at the hospital, the children also refused treatment.. Hmm... What to do, what to do.. The staff in Peadiatrics gave them an ultimatum; no blankets on the beds if they didn't take medication, and trust me, it is cold during nights here. So finally they took the meds.

We had a little boy who came in with his finger cut off.. It was completely off, only hanging in a small piece of skin. The clinical officer put a cannula (about 5 cm long) under the nail of the fingertip and pushed it all the way through the finger.. It was the worst thing I ever seen. I even hate that in movies, when they put things under the fingernails... Ick. This was friday, the boy came back in today and the finger was all black and yellow, so it must be amputated. Poor kid =(. But it is just a finger, it could deffinately been worse.

Me ad Linn are a little annoyed right now. There are a lot of people asking for money. As soon as you get to know someone, and become friends with them, they start asking you for money. I have some people that I want to help, and when they ask it is fine. But absolutely everyone is asking. Some are crying, some are begging.. Some are just commanding ”give me money”.. Sometimes you feel just.. helpless. It is impossible to help everyone, and we really don't wish to make a distance between us and the malawians, but if every one you become friends with start asking you for money.. you just have to make a distance. It is difficult to be friends with someone who is always placing themselves underneath you, like you are some kind of god... aa I don't like that at all. It is just annoying. And we just found out that a kid we helped to pay some school books and school fees allready had been sponsored by our neighbour for those things.. That was really sad, and it is to bad because he also destroys for others. If someone acts like that, than in the end noone will be able to trust anyone, and noone can get their school fees paid. Gaa. Frustrating.

29/8

Sick! Soar throat, pain in ears! Not indications of malaria. Probobly just some shit.. It will be allright.

Been working since 7 am today, and will knock off at 7 pm. Asch. Not nice working hours.. sundays are boring.. Not many patients coming in.. One girl with plausible meningitis, a kid with measles, a man with split lip after bicycle accident and a guy who stepped on a cannula (???) outside the hospital. He will get PEP treatment to minimize the risk of HIV. He was also supposed to get tetanus vaccination (stelkramp) but the man who had the keys to pharmacy was in church, and could according to other staff members not be distubed on a church day. Gaah. So the guy had to go home, and come back the next day to get the shot and the PEP. Nothing is more important than church. Hallelujha!

Oo yes, we have bought a dvd-player! =) we have already had two movie nights! =) Jippiiee!

Watched wall-e and Avatar! =) And we have an AMAZING tv-channel; TSN, The Style Network! I know my sister Sofia would love it aswell.. All day long they only sent project runway, top model, documentaries about strange people, "16 and pregnant", project hair saloon, catwalk etc etc... It is only girly reality shows, and they are all completely, wonderfully brain dead and 100% watchable! Just what you need after a hard day's work! =)

Other intresting things: We have some problems with patients belonging to a religion or cult called Zion. I no nothing about it, more than that they refuse medical care. The police came with a man who was very sick from measles. He had 7 children and the mother was already dead. But he denied medical care 'cause of zion... He was taken here by police and they chained him to the bed, hands and feet. So he is now in chains, receiving medication against his will. He is getting much better and will probobly survive now, which is good.. As the brother said ”I can't afford to take care of his children if he dies!” I don't really know what I think about this... Hehe.. Here, this is what is right to do. At home, it would be up to him wether he wants treatmant or not.. well, it's intresting to see the differences.

We also had some children from the same cult. The parents denied them medical care, so the neighbours had to break in to their house and kidnap them. But at the hospital, the children also refused treatment.. Hmm... What to do, what to do.. The staff in Peadiatrics gave them an ultimatum; no blankets on the beds if they didn't take medication, and trust me, it is cold during nights here. So finally they took the meds.

We had a little boy who came in with his finger cut off.. It was completely off, only hanging in a small piece of skin. The clinical officer put a cannula (about 5 cm long) under the nail of the fingertip and pushed it all the way through the finger.. It was the worst thing I ever seen. I even hate that in movies, when they put things under the fingernails... Ick. This was friday, the boy came back in today and the finger was all black and yellow, so it must be amputated. Poor kid =(. But it is just a finger, it could deffinately been worse.

Me ad Linn are a little annoyed right now. There are a lot of people asking for money. As soon as you get to know someone, and become friends with them, they start asking you for money. I have some people that I want to help, and when they ask it is fine. But absolutely everyone is asking. Some are crying, some are begging.. Some are just commanding ”give me money”.. Sometimes you feel just.. helpless. It is impossible to help everyone, and we really don't wish to make a distance between us and the malawians, but if every one you become friends with start asking you for money.. you just have to make a distance. It is difficult to be friends with someone who is always placing themselves underneath you, like you are some kind of god... aa I don't like that at all. It is just annoying. And we just found out that a kid we helped to pay some school books and school fees allready had been sponsored by our neighbour for those things.. That was really sad, and it is to bad because he also destroys for others. If someone acts like that, than in the end noone will be able to trust anyone, and noone can get their school fees paid. Gaa. Frustrating.

First of all, thanks to everyone who has written emails and who made comments on my blogg! =) I love to get comments! Unfortunately is it not possible to respond to the comments.. But keep posting them, I love to read them! =) And also thanks to mum, christian and Sofia for sending my packages! =) sofia sent me a movie. I only say: Never see movies recommended by my sister...... If you're not up for one week without sleeping and years of therapy, I mean..... Me and Link where sitting petrified and nauseaus when watching "the human centipede"....It was a really mentally disturbing movie. Don't watch it. don't even google it. Let it's creator stay unknown to the world.. ;) awful awful awful awful.

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Today I donated blood. It hurt really bad, everyone who says anything else just tries to play cool. But i ain't to pride to bow. It hurts. Ick. And because I have a rare blood group they kind of drained me, hehe...They took 600 mls over 5 minutes. At home you give 300 mls over 30 minutes.. But well, it feels ok and I will definately do it again, and I had a high hb, 15 g/dl! So I can probobly give sooner than recommended. The blood I gave today will be given to a specific woman in medical ward. It is fun to know where it goes.. =) You never know that at home. And at home, they also mix red blood cells from many different people in the same bag. Here, you fill a bag of blood from one person, and you give it to the patient. No mixing, no dividing into blood cells. Just full blood. Straight from the cow... ;-)

Immigration are continuing bugging us. Thrid time there, they still won't accept our papers. They say new things everytime, new signatures we need, new letters etc etc.. This is actually the face of corruption. They know that if they keep being difficult like this, white people will finally bribe them to accept their papers. But we're refusing to fall for that, so we just keep on collecting every stupid thing they ask for. We have now got everyone important at the hospital to back us up, write them letters, and one of them will follow us there next time to help us. It is just so annoying... You come to country to help people, and all you get from the government is trubble and people trying to steel your money.

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Some of the staff members are not really willing to to do the triage. Before they didn't do anything about it, and now they suddenly have to look at a lot of patiens and take decisions. They are annoyed with us and want to go back to ”the old system”. I.e, no system at all. So right now it feels like trying to get water to run upwards.... Or trying to swim in thick syrup. But I guess these are obstacles everyone who tries to introduce something new to a place like this will meet.. But that doesn't make it less frustrating...I think a problem is also that we who are from the western part of the world are used to handle in a certain way in emergency situations. We are used -and trained- to take control, make sure everything is done and get the patient stablized. Here they are used to another way of working, and they don't really have thee same emergency thinking as we do. But I think it's a kind of cooping mechanism. There are so many terrible things here, and so many deaths compared to home. So I think that people who live here all their lives have to make a bigger distance between themselves and the patients than we do at home. Im also feeling it.. Iif I would take everything in and take it with me home, i would never sleep or relax...

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Yesterday we got a patient with poisoning. He was almost dead, I couldn't feel his pulse and I couldn't decide wether he was breathinng or not. We got iv in, gave him fluides and atropin to get his heart to work faster. I took his blood pressure and it was 60 / 30 (VERY low). He had a lot of secretion, and needed oxygen immediately. We took him up to the ward, and as of now he has still not woken up. Blodd pressure is better, but it is very uncertain if he is going to live or not..

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In OPD, as far as the triage is being done it actually works well. Yesterday I located at least three small babies in line that where in immediate need of attention to survive. One of them was only 1 week old and was basically not breathing. Fever up to almost 40. I took the baby from the mother and ran up to pediatric to put the baby on oxygen. He is still there, hopefully he will be allright. But it is very uncertain. The onlöy oxygen concentrator available was the one in the isolation ward, where we keep all the measles cases. the baby allready had malnutrion, and probobly pneumonia.. And being in the measles ward.. he will probobly end up with measles as well. But the alternative was to let him die from hypoxia... So sometime here you just have to choose the least bad out of two bad options...

Oh, right now there are a lot of people passing the office. A child just died in pediatric ward. First the mother of the baby walked alone all around the hospital, singing and crying out loud that her baby died. Then she went to get her baby, and everyone at the ward, all the guardians to all the other patients are following her in a sort of cortege.. Some are crying and some are singing. Everyone they are passing either joins them or starts singing. I really think it is a beautiful thing. They care about each other and they show their respect for the mother and the dead baby.. In a way, this is a complete contradiction to what I just wrote about.. But i think that it is the hospital people who needs to make a distance, not others.

Aa I need to ask Link what baby that died.. She is on pediatric today, so she got up all the babies I sent there. I really hope it is not "my" baby, the one I had to put in the measles room...=(

Ok, enough bad things... Good thing!!:

CHRSITIAN IS COMING WITHING TWO WEEKS!!!!!! =)=)=)

it will be amazing to finally have him here... I won't let him go back home! <3

Åh, just det.. Mamma, kan du kolla upp flygbiljetter till mig för julen? Måste boka nu innan det blir för dyrt. Internet här är fantastiskt segt, det går inte att genomföra några internetköp... =(  tack tack! =)

As you can see, I have got my hair done! =) It took 12 hours and was very painful. But it was really nice, I was in the home of a young lady who made them for me. Her house was about 6 square meters, and there lived 5 people in there; Grace (who made the braids), her mother and her three children and her sister. Her husband was dead. They where all sleeping on the same mat made out of grass. They cooked  directely on the floor on burning char cole, but she made a delicious meal, Nsima with meat stew. I think she made the meat especially for me, the malawians have a incredible hospitality. even though they have nothing, they want to give you the best they have. We ate with our hands (the way we actually always eat here), sitting on the floor. No plates. But it was really cozy. the only light source in the house was the burning char cole.  And they taught me a lot of chichewa =) For the 12 hours of work making my hair, she wanted 1500 Kwatcha. That is about 5 dollars. I payed her 6000 kwatcha, about 30 dollars. That is enough to feed her family for a month. At home, the hair saloons take 300 dollars to make hair like this... That would be...  53 000 Kwatcha.
On this picture is Agogo (= means grandmother in chichewa) in the background, Grace's sister and two of her children, Alice and Esther.



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Today I've been 25 years for four weeks, and I've been in Malawi for exactly 2 months. That's actually 20 percent of the time! Only 80 percent to go... ;)

I think it might be time to give you an update on our project. The project team consists of myself, Link, Dr. Morton, Mr. Sam, Dr. Ter Haar, the Matron and Florence. Florence is a nurse who is in charge of OPD, where the new emergency ward will be located. We have in the group decided all the pracical things; what rooms to use, what equippment to put where, what renovations needs to be done etc... So we are really starting from scratch. And it actually feels really good, because we really get to litterally build something.. From nothing into Something. Something that will work and save lives. That's what will happen. And it's really cool to be such a big part of it. Without me and Link, this wouldn't happen because there are no people to do it.

Me and Florence have this week and last week started to introduce a triage system. As of before, the patients that came to the hospital where organized from what time they came, and everyone was taken in according to time. This resulted in a lot of unnecessary deaths in the queue. What we have started now, is to stand outside the hospital reception and examine every patient that comes, and assort them according to their condition.Allready this small change is making a lot of difference. Monday for example. I found at least 3 infants with 40 C fever in line. One of them where gasping for air, and another one severely anemic. The kids are tied to the mothers backs, so if you don't look closely, you won't even see if the baby is alive. Anyway, I got the babies immediately to the medical assistens who admitted them, so we could start immediate treatment. These babies would probobly be dead today if we hadn't started this.

Ok, over to other updates..

Last week I came in to maternity, looking for something, and suddenly a patient fell on me. She hit her head in a shelf but I was able to catch her before she fell down on the floor. She had just delivered, and was not supposed to walk. She had severe bleedings, it was blood all over the floor. She was confused and had really low blood pressure. All the beds where taken, so we had to treat her on the floor. I put in an IV cannula and hung up some ringer lactate. Two nurse student took over, because we also had a woman delivering on the floor (Yep, when there are no more beds, we put the patients on the floor. No mattress, no nothing. A black plastic bag, if they're lucky). So me and Rebecca (med. Student from england) started examine her. She was in heavy labour, and 9 cm open. But the babies head was not coming down. We worked with her for about an hour, but in the end we had to take her to theater for a c-section. I was acutally a litlte proud, because both these ladies had really difficult veins, and I managed to give both of them grey cannulas... Those of you who work as nurses know what that will say... but for everyone else: Grey is the biggest cannula you can find! I've never done the grey cannulas before, so that was cool.

Do you remeber the girl a wrote about long time ago, a 13 year old girld with kidney failure... It was my first day at work here, and she was almost dying. We took her in ambulance to Lilongwe to get her on dialysis, and it was kind of an adventure.. I really experienced that things takes time, and it was really frustrating.. We had this really sick girl, and noone at the hospital in lilongwe seemed to care ann it was really difficult to get her help.

Anyway, she did get help that day, and that was really good. She got a lot better.. But now, last week I think, I got the messsage from Dr. Rhona who had been in cantact with someone she knew at lilongwe hospital, that the girl had died. She had not been given dialysis as often as she needed, and a kidney transplant is not even to think about in Malawi. Her name was Olivia... She was a girl who died because she was here, she would not have died at home. She died becasue there is no resources here, no money, no nothing. Everything is so easy in a country that has money. Sweden, Norway... We complain over the healthcare, money, taxes... But really, we have no problems. Not compared to Malawi.

The people here are so poor. Our gardener for example. He earns 6000 Kwatcha a month. That is 240 norweigan crowns, about 20 dollars. For those money, he supports his entire family. Three children, his wife, his father, his mother, his parernts in law and sometimes his brother. Could you imagine that? We give the people that work for us extra money from time to time, and when they need something like hospital care or new boots, we make sure they get it.. But they need so much, and I really feel bad when they see everything we have. And everyone you meet asks you for assistans. Mostly money, but some asks for food, or clothes.. childrens asks for toys, cause they don't have any toys. Most people here have never seen a movie, or used a cooking plate.. things we take for granted. If we could just look beyond ouselves and our egoistic needs, we could all help countries like Malawi. It is so easy to support for example a child. You can send 10 dollar every month, and actually improve their lives A LOT. 10 dollars is 2500 kwatcha. For that a family can eat for a month. Or buy school books for their children for a year. For them it is a lot of money. But for us, it's so little...

I would really encourage everyone to help.. It is so easy to fall in a trap of comfort at home.. At home, we know, we are very aware that people are starving and dying in a lot of developing countries. But we choose to close our eyes, cause if we can't see it, it eon't hurt us... If we accept that there is messery and poverty, and starts thinking about it, we feel pain and we get sad. That's why noone wants to really acknowledge what's happening. We choose to not see and listen. But I tell you, I am down here now. You all know me, and I can tell you, that people are suffering. I see it with my own eyes, and I tuch it with my own hands. Everyday, It's impossible to escape from it here. And I want you all to try to look beyond yourself. Have you seen the movie (or read the book) ”the beach”? Anyway, there is a guy who gets bitten by a shark. And when he gets really sick, the inhabitants of the beach bring him out in the woods and leave him there to die, alone. And then they continue their lives as if nothing had happend. This is exactly the same thing we all do, also me, at home. We turn of the TV, or we say ”to bad” and we don't do anything. We continue our lives as if nothing happend. It the same thing, we leave people to suffer, even though we actually can help. With very little effort. If everyone just came out of their nutshells and actually reacted so much could be different, But we can't wait for someone else to do it, we must all help.
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AND OOO I FORGOT! =) We have got border cllie puppies!!! =D Mr. Ter Haar came back from his vacation with a pregnant lady border collie. She delivered the same day they came home, so noww Spot has a new wife and 7 steph children!!! I so much wants to bring one home, they are completely adorable. Does anyone know the price to bring a dog to norway?

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to Link who turns 29 today! =D Hipp hipp hurra!!!

And to my english readers... If I have any(?) could you give me a comment? Otherwise I wll start writing in swedish i think... ;) To make it easier for my dear swedes who might not understand english... ;)

What has happend since last time?? To far between the internet times..... ;)

Saturday I attended a traditional wedding! IT was really nice, the bride was beautiful and everybody danced all the time. Most of the time it was all about people throwing money att the newly  married, to helt them start their family. and everyone who gave money had to dance, hehe... ;) It was quit fun!
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On Sunday i visited a friend of mine in her home. Her name is Tivious and she lives in a little house with her husband and their daughter christina. she cooked Nsima with meat stew on burning charcole. She actually took the burning cole in her hands without making a sound.. Aaa you should see these women here! The malawian women seriously don't feel pain, or they have really learned to control it.  You should see the labourward in the hospital. None of the women makes a sound while giving birth. Not even the first timers. They just bite their cheeks together and delivers a baby. That's so cool.  I told them, that at home everyone SCREAMS out loud. And they couldn't stop laughing..


 Tivious making Nzima =)

And I was "helping" ;)




AND I have a new nursing uniform!! =D Norway, sweden, read  and weap... Our uniforms here are so LOVELY! Skirts and dresses, nice little hats and epilets! =)  At home we dress in... pyjamas!! There is nothing wrong with looking nice at work! You don't have to be ugly to be professional =)








Now she 7 pm, and im knocking of from work. going home to celebrate Links birthday with pizza and cake!!! NICE!

Mogonebwiono! =) (goodnight!)